It’s finally done! What I thought would be a quick editing session turned into a complete rewrite of the debut novel I wrote a few years ago. Although Unexpected Metamorphosis currently has a 78% five-star rating on Amazon, it did not match my current writing style, and I wanted to update it.

Going back through my first novel showed me that I’ve grown and learned a lot as a writer over the past few years. I pulled 20,000 words, strengthened some of the scenes, deleted Alissia’s overanalyzing, and took out the passive voice where it did not belong.

Although all of my books go through professional editing, I’ve learned that using an editor does not guarantee a perfect novel. I’ve currently got three books out, and I’ve used three different editors. I’ve learned a lot in the process.

Before the second edition of Unexpected Metamorphosis gets published, I’m looking for beta readers. The story is exactly the same as before, just better writing. If you’re one of my current readers and want to read this version, please let me know. If you’ve never read my writing and would love a fantasy romance filled with adventure, you’re welcome to an eBook copy. You don’t have to be an adult. It’s a clean romance (with heated kissing), and some of my readers are young teens.

I’ll end this post with a glance at two scenes I changed. Can you see the difference in the strength of the wording?

Old Version:

Suddenly, she felt as if she was being sucked into a swift tornado, and she began to rapidly free fall in a spiraling motion. White lights flashed past her, and her stomach lurched as pain began to rise up within her body. Although she tried to scream, her voice was no competition for the loud, train-like sound surrounding her. She soon became light headed, and everything went dark.

Barely conscious and in severe pain, Alissia could hear the distant sound of dripping water. The soil beneath her cheek was dank and when she opened her eyes, she could barely make out the cavernous walls in the dimly lit surroundings. The pain was too great to move, and she soon lost all consciousness again.

She awoke some time later, and it felt as though a fire was raging inside her body. She tried to scream before losing consciousness again.

New Version:

As if being sucked into a tornado, a strong force propelled Alissia into a rapid spin. White lights spiraled around her, and her stomach lurched as a sharp pain rose up within her body. Although she screamed, her voice was no competition against the roaring, train-like sound filling the air. Becoming lightheaded, she closed her eyes, just as her body slammed into an unyielding, rock-solid surface.

*****

Barely conscious and in severe pain, Alissia tried to focus on the distant sound of dripping water. After a while, she noticed an earthy scent coming from the rough surface beneath the side of her face. Opening her eyes, she scarcely made out a cavernous wall in the dimly lit surroundings. With her pain too great to move, she soon lost consciousness again.

Sometime later, her eyes shot open, as her back arched in pain from a raging fire coming from within her body. She tried to scream before her mind shut down, pulling her back into darkness.

Old Version:

She no longer felt the uncontrollable pain caused by seeing Grady with Nevara, and she went to the bathroom and washed her face. As she looked at her swollen face in the mirror, she determinedly told herself it would never happen again.

Anger flashed in her eyes as she reminded herself it was her fault she had gotten hurt. She had allowed it, ignoring the promise she had made years ago to herself. Grady had only done what was to be expected. She should never have put herself in a position to get hurt. No one was to blame but herself.

New Version:

No longer feeling the uncontrollable pain caused by seeing Grady with Nevara, Alissia went to the bathroom and washed her face.

“This is your fault,” she hissed, glaring at her reflection in the mirror. “You knew better than to trust someone.”

A distant memory surfaced, making itself real again.

                  A teenage girl’s green eyes glared into a bedroom mirror, her face swollen with tears and a bag of bloody clothing clenched in her fist.

                  Staring at herself in disgust, she vowed, “Never again. You will never be a victim again.”

                  A tear threatened, and she lifted her chin determinedly. “And there’ll be no more tears from you, either. You knew love wasn’t meant for you, and you should never have expected it.”

Alissia closed her eyes as the memory faded. “You put yourself in a position to get hurt,” she whispered. “Grady only did what was to be expected.”

This is a movie my eleven-year-old daughter begged to see. Like me, she’s an avid fantasy reader and loves stories filled with magic and creatures, and she immediately fell in love with the movie trailer. The weekend I took her to see the movie happened to be a rare night that everyone else in the family had somewhere to be, and I got a chance to give her my full attention.

I’ll admit that I did not want to see this movie at the theater, as I imagined it to be another version of the same plot with Peter Pan, Hook, and Tinker Bell. I tried to talk her into seeing Goose Bumps, but she would not budge on her choice.

I give PAN a B+ rating. Not only is it filled with mermaids, fairies, and flying pirate ships, but the plot is nothing like I expected. It’s not the same story I’ve seen over and over again. We meet Peter before he became Pan, and we meet Hook before he lost his hand. They’re actually shown as friends! We learn why Peter can fly, and we get only a glimpse at Tinker Bell. It’s a new take on an old story. It’s the origins.

My daughter giggled with excitement often throughout the movie, and she left the theater begging me to buy the video when it came out. It’s now her favorite movie (even beats Pirates of the Caribbean for her).

I left the theater anticipating the next movie, but I now fear there won’t be another one. Although most people are giving the movie a B+ rating, the critics gave it a low score, and it did not fare well against the competition at the theaters.

If it’s still playing at a theater near you, I highly recommend it for all ages. They handled the fighting and death scenes delicately for younger children in a very unique way, and the story is strong enough for adults to enjoy as well.